Blessings in disguise..

This past year has been a whirlwind of emotions.  I am in a difficult job, a job which all of my former bosses and mentors refer to as "the best and worst times of their lives".  A job I took on, knowing the challenges.  A job which a new mentor stated last week "I lived each day as if I was going to get fired", because honestly, that is really how you feel.  Sometimes people ask me if I regret signing up for this ride, and there are moments that I do regret.  But overall, no. I don't regret it.  I try to look at the good times.  I try to remember the times that tested my courage, both in terms of bravery and in morals.  Moral courage is one thing that has gotten me through the past 3 years, and it is something that not everyone has.  Luckily, SWO guilt is like Catholic Guilt.  Very similar.  Very, very similar.  Right Sister Margaret? On those tough days, one of my mentors told me to read, and remember President Roosevelt's' Man in the Arena speech.  That speech got me through the tough times.  The times that you sail alone on the sea, feeling like every ally you have has given up on you, and that you can't give up-because you have a department of 50+ Sailors that depend on you.   That speech was bitter sweet this month, because the Chief who ran my department told me after I was selected for O-4 (LCDR), that I was in the arena. 

I am proud to be serving in the role that I am in, as a Department Head on a Destroyer.  It is amazing.  I have met some great people.  From day 1 in the Navy, to today.  Friends that will last a lifetime.  People that you can see after 5+ years, and pick up where you left off.  Folks that you will have crash on your couch, eat pizza, and stay up all night talking with. 

I met my fiancé a short while after I resigned my contract.  We were together for only a year before I moved away.  I have been gone for 3 years.  It will be a total of 4 before I move back under the same roof as him.  That is a sacrifice we made, and got through.  It can be done.  With phone calls.  Emails.  Skype (especially overseas).  Texting.  Post Cards.  Care Packages.  Frequent Flier Miles.  It can be done.  It isn't easy.  It hasn't been easy.  But it is all worth it.  I have a dear friend who did the same thing, and I asked her for advice in the beginning.  She told me to do all of the above, and it worked.  I love having her in my life, because she is an inspiration. Not sure if she reads this blog, but hugs and love to you Sarah!

I can't wait for what the next year has in store for me.  I resigned my commission so I can live with my future husband.  I get married very soon, and I can't wait to be married to my best friend.  Shortly after the wedding, I will move home, and we will be under one roof.  The same roof, and we will make a house, into a home.  It has been difficult, planning all of these big changes with out some very important people present in my life.  I am lucky that despite not having my parents physically here with me, I know that they have played a big part from above.  They taught me basics in life.  How to be good.  How to love.  How to treat others with respect.  Remember that Catholic Guilt mentioned previously.  Yes.  I got that from them.  I worry if I am doing good enough, and I just pray that I am making them proud. 

The past four years have been difficult.  I have had my ups and downs.  I have had my disappointments.  I have had success.  I have had failures.  And I have to look at each one, in the moment, and afterwards, and see how each of those moments have helped shape who I am today, and how I will act today.  Sometimes, I think of all of these things as blessings in disguise!